When Indifference is Unsettling

Hi Sweet Boy!

You are officially a Kindergartner. I am officially a wreck. I can't even begin to express the fears and concerns that have been weighing heavy on my heart these last two weeks. I keep praying that I am doing what is best for you. That I am providing you with the best education available to you. And I'm indifferent. And that is what is unsettling to me.

You (and your dad and your sister) are my greatest joy. You are my greatest responsibility. 

So I'm taking these few days to really be still. To listen to my heart. To pray that I am able to hear and see and feel that which is intended for you. That I am not swayed by emotion or fear or anxiety.

I'm not convinced I am on the right path with your education Cole. But I'm working on it. And I'm praying about it. Diligently.

Just hang in there Buddy. We'll get this right eventually;)

Love you more than words,
Mom

Cole starts Kindergarten tomorrow!

Dear Cole,

You start Kindergarten tomorrow. Tomorrow! I am trying really really hard to keep it together. And for the most part I have.

We met your teacher Friday afternoon and she's sweet. I really like her. She reminds me a lot of me. And just between you and I, I envy her so much right now. The majority of your days will be spent with her. So I am doing a lot of praying for her that she is able to set a fine example for you and your classmates.

I love you Buddy. And although I am a wreck about tomorrow I know you will do awesome! Sister and I will miss you terribly and will be anxiously watching the clock for it to tell us it's time to go get you and bring you home. To the chaos. To the bliss. To the hot chocolate and Polar Express. To swimming at Mimi's. To Tai Kwon Do with Kaindan and Tata. To reading stories with Mom and Dad. To bedtimes in our bed. To cartoons and Lucky Charms. Then back to school again so we can do it all over again.

And because I know you worry about me, I will be ok. The crying is temporary. Much like the vomiting I experienced with your brother and sister when they were growing in my belly. You're growing too now and it hurts a little and it's uncomfortable, but it will be so worth it. I promise. And Mommy never makes you a promise she can't keep;)

I love you all way to Jesus.

~Mom

Best of 2011

Photo by Melissa Rodriguez Photography

Her.

Ellie Vivian.

She was the best thing that happened to her big brother Cole this year. The best thing that happened to us all.

Then Comes Paper Will Have a new Look Soon!

I have been putting off designing the new website for First Comes Love, Then Comes Paper. I was actually having trouble with the branding side of things. I have a few new projects up my sleeve, including collaborations with an event planner, a collaboration with a fellow Momma, and a few of my own projects. Mix that in with Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years and the birthdays of 2 of the. most. special. people in my life, and well, that just doesn't leave a whole lot of time for the website.

So this past week I got to do just that. And since not a lot of people read my personal blog, I thought it was just the place to show off what I have come up with so far. I am still looking for a web designer who is able to code it. My favorite one hasn't responded with a quote, and another one responded and wanted to take half of the credit for my branding (which is a problem since this conflicts with one of my new projects) and he/she also wanted to have the freedom/liberty to "design a new template based on the concept". Uh, how about not? And just to show fairness, I may have not completely understood his email but I my instincts told me to run. Run far, far away. So I'm still on the hunt. Stalling until I hear from Michelle.

But alas, the unveiling:

Curious to know your thoughts. Ideas. Suggestions.

Texas Girl Through and Through

I'm fixin' to tell you something about being Texan. Texan doesn't mean that I'm not educated. I may say "ain't" and "y'all" and call you "Sweetie" or 'Honey" and I might "bless a lot of hearts" and I might even "piddle around". I'll greet you with a big "Howdy" or "Hey Y'all". All soda pop is "Coke" and if I ask for "sugar" it means I want a KISS. I'm polite and say "Ma'am..." and "Sir". And if you hear a Texan say, "Oh, hell no!!" you'd better run. If you're proud to be a Texan then click 'LIKE' tab on my status. Then go up yonder and copy & paste to your status. :-). And P.S. if you don't know where yonder is then you ain't from Texas :)

Got this from a friend's Facebook status. Had to steal it!

2011 Chaotic Bliss

Wow! What a year! So many blessing bestowed upon us this year. So very much to be thankful for. Ellie-Bear is growing up so quickly. I am loving this chaos. It is my bliss. After a few tries, she's finally accepting grass as a part of her life. This photo was taken Nov. 5.

Ellie is standing on her own for short periods of time. Mostly when she's playing with something and preoccupied. Today, she took a single step. Then she fell. Gosh, where has my squishy, cuddly baby girl gone!?

Today was a special day in so many ways. I was presented with an unbelievable opportunity today over what was only supposed to be lunch with a new friend. Funny how things all just fall into place beautifully when we walk in His graces and quit trying to plan and control things.

My mom also came over today and left Ellie a very special gift. This little outfit belonged to my sister when she was a little girl. I cannot wait for Ellie to wear it proudly.

Cole is also growing so fast. He doesn't need me anymore to help him shower, or dress, or comb his hair, or brush his teeth or put his socks and shoes on, or put his seat-belt on and off. He doesn't even need me anymore for basic math. My sweet sweet boy can count to over 100, he can add numbers up until 20 (although that #15 is a tricky sneaky little number). He even insists he does "school work" every night.

Well, Little Man is insisting we watch some Christmas movies together right now. We love to watch Hallmark movies. He LOVES this time of year. What a special treat that it is such a special time for him already.

Dear Cole,

You used to get so mad when I would call you "Silly Goose". I have caught myself calling you that and then immediately have defaulted to "Goose" in hopes it just slips right past you and I don't get the whole "Mom, I am not silly!"

You haven't noticed and it's kinda become habit. So now you're just Goose. I rather like it.

Love,

Mom