Mamitis

One of Cole's favorite people came by yesterday, it was Nana. Cole really didn't want to go with her, which was very very strange. He loves his Nana! Nana would ask him if he wanted her to carry him but he would just run up to me and hold his hands up and say "carry you". He has been requesting to be carried all day, even when Will wants to carry him. So my mom diagnosed him with having "mamitis", pronounced ma-me-tees, in Spanish.

It's a Spanish term that means he only wants to be with Mami. So this is what we joke he has. I wonder what Dr. Johnson may prescribe for him? Maybe more Nana time, like a week???

Besitos y Abrasos!!!!

I can't sleep tonight. Our dear dear Gloria has moved across the country to be with her family. She left at 2:45 this afternoon and we miss her terribly already. The house is still tonight. The usual light in her bedroom is out and I just can't bear to go in there. It is locked, and will remain so until I can muster the courage, or accept the fact that our days will no longer be greeted with her cheerful smile.

If you read the blog, you know who Gloria is. She's Cole's Yaya, his Nanny. Yaya has been with us almost 2 years. The honest truth is, I don't know motherhood without her. I made the decision to stay home last month and we knew that we wouldn't be able to justify the cost of a nanny. I was saddened that Yaya wouldn't be here everyday, but I was comforted by the fact that she would be near, and only a 15 minutes drive away. She will be much much farther away, and we only hope that we get to see her again in our lifetime.

I just didn't realize what a role she played in our home, in our lives. I am having trouble opening the door to her room and I reckon it's because I can imagine that behind that closed door she is sleeping, or watching tv, or on the phone. I tell myself that any minute she'll pop out and ask, "ya no me necesita?" as she leans an elbow on the back of the couch, towel over her shoulder. To which I reply, "no", and she asks, "segura?" That was the closing dialogue every single night.

I walk past her door and I smell the BenGay still, and I get chills just knowing that the scent that is Gloria will fade, and I worry that my memory of her will too. More than anything, I worry that Cole's, I mean Thomasito's memory of her will fade. And that saddens me because she loved him like no other. Her last words out the door to me were "Quidame a mi nino." Which means take care of my little boy. It broke my heart because I could see the desperation in her eyes, it was a mother's desperation. It broke her heart to have to leave this child she had helped to raise. And the whole time, Thomasito doesn't even have a clue that when he runs to Yaya's door tomorrow morning to ask to "comer", there won't be an answer. Will and I are struggling with this very much.

I rememebr when Thomasito (which is Cole's first name in Spanish and to which Yaya referred to him) was about 9 months old, he was sick with a fever and diarrhea and vomiting. When I finally took him to the pediatrician's office Gloria went along to hear what the doctor would say and also to listen to his recommendations to get him better. She was explaining to Doctor Johnson that his poop really smelled. Doctor Johnson, who is awesome, was born or raised in Mexico, so they were able to communicate very well. When she told him his poop smelled, he smiled and looked at me and commented on how much she must love him, because if just now she is noticing that his poop smelled, she had the nose of a mother in love.

The house phone used to ring off the hook, it hasn't rang since 2:45 this afternoon. Simply another reminder that she is not here. I look at the dogs and I want to cry or vomit because when I would forget to feed them or let them out, she would do it. She hated those dogs but she took care of them very well. I teased her once that for somebody who really hated them, she sure took care of them. She answered back that it was only because if she forgot to and they died, we'd think she did it on purpose. She's one smart cookie.

Every single thing about this house reminds me of her, which reminds me that tomorrow is trash day and I'll probably forget to take it out. If I forget, it will be too bad until next week, I won't have Yaya watching my back. Excuse me, gotta take out the trash now!...

I'm back. It's done. Gloria would be proud. I'm just so darn sad! Even walking out, feeling the breeze, made my heart skip a beat. I looked at the house from the street and where there once lived 4, it's now only 3. We might have been at Wal Mart her and I right now. We liked to get away and go shopping late at night.

But to every dark cloud there is a silver lining: Will gets to walk around in his underwear. Lucky lucky me.

Gloria would always say to me when I would take her to run an errand of hers, "si no la molesto yo, pues quien?" Translated: If I don't bother you, who will?

So to Glroia, 'me encanta que me molestes! Tanto que te queremos y tanto que nos haces falta. Pero relaja, diviertate con tu hijo, yo te quidare a Thomasito. Espero que muy luego nos podemos reunir. Muchas muchas gracias y te deseo un buen viaje. Besitos y abrasos!' -Thomasito, Vannessa, Willie, y Ma

Mr. Independent

I started attending MOPS groups here in the area and this was our first official meeting. By "our" I really mean mine and Cole's. We missed the first one because I was sick with what seemed like the flu. I never went to the Dr because I was in too much pain to wait in the drs office.

I was so worried about leaving Cole in the nursery because he's never been in that kind of environment. I have left him before, when I worked, but it was with Yaya, who he knew for always. So this was completely different.

We got there and he wanted some boiled egg that I had packed for him so I gave him that. Then he spotted the communal cheerios and as they prepared that for him, I stepped out into the meeting. After about 5 minutes I decided to go in and check on him. He was walking around, checking things out. No problems.

I went back into the meeting and after about 15 minutes I decided I best go back and check on Cole. Surely now he has noticed that Mommy is not in the room and that he is with complete strangers and I was positive he was having a meltdown.

I sneak into the nursery area and as I am approaching the door I see his little head bobbing up and down towards the door. I drop to the floor and hope and pray he didn't see me. Well he didn't see me but another mommy did and asked if Cole was mine, the "boy in yellow". "Yes" I replied. A few moments later she said to me, "it's safe now, you can peek." So I did. He was just fine.

I went back into the room confident my baby boy was not so baby anymore. That's not so reassuring....

The Line Up

Will cooked the chicken at Cole's party but he had some help. It was soooo juicy! Thanks everyone!

One of those days

Ever have those days when despite all you do, you just kinda feel like you woke up on the wrong side of the bed? You just can't shake it? Yeah me neither!

I'd like to stay up all night and clean and finally start organizing the mess that is my office but I should probably get to bed so that I don't wake up on the wrong side of the bed.

My computer keeps opening random windows in Mozilla and it is driving me crazy! Will, honey, please call that computer guy:)

Anyway, here are some more pics of the birthday party:

Cole: "Mimi, I don't feel so good." Rosy cheeks and all...



He doesn't even want cake...

Isn't she just the cutest little cowgirl ever! You know, according to the stars, she's Cole's perfect match. I'm just saying, the daughter (in law) I never had....

Cole: "Um, did I mention I don't feel good. Take this darn getup off of me!"

YEE-HAW!!! Cole's 2nd Birthday Party

Cole had an awesome birthday party-too bad he didn't get to really be a part of it. He was in the arms of someone the whole time as he was fighting off a fever. It wasn't until 4:30 that he finally started to bounce around as usual. The party ended at 5:(

We painstakingly planned his wardrobe and then even got him into it, minus the bandana that "coordinated" the whole birthday. He was done after the belt, boots, jeans and long sleeve shirt. He did good, I didn't even think we'd get that far. Now, it did take 4 grown ladies to dress him but it was worth it!
This was his birthday invitation that I designed for this very special occasion:



Cole had so many special friends at his birthday party and so many more precious ictures to share but this mommy-son dou is busy today. We have a lunch date with his precious Tia and Blaine and Jana. So later tonight, most likely later this week, we will upload them and share more of his birthday party with everyone! Yee-haw!!!!

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

I have been fighting a cold/flu for the last couple of days and I finally found a medicine that worked for me. NyQuil and DayQuil but those horse pills are still in my throat it seems! Gosh do they work like a charm though. I am hoping and praying that Cole and Will stay free of whatever it is I have. Cole has a big weekend, 3 birthday parties and of course, his own! He will be turning the big 0-2 on Sunday February 8th!

Having been busy planning Cole's birthday I completely overlooked the fact that Cole has 2 cousins that share his birthday along with a "birth buddy". By birth buddy I mean that his mom and I were good friends trying for two years to get pregnant. The day she called to surprise me with the fact that she was pregnant I had news of my own for her: I was preggers too! We were seeing the same OBGYN and it was pretty normal to wait in the lobby at Dr. Dyran's office for our check ups. Anyway, she went into labor 4 weeks early, I was 3 weeks early. We ended up in the hospital at the same time, but she had Jackson just a few hours earlier which made them a day apart. Anyway, so naturally Jackson and Becky hold a very special place in our hearts. Because of all the babies born on Feb 8th though there will be much planning going on in the future to try to coordinate birthday parties. Whew!

I just can't believe how quickly our little turd is growing. (That is a term of endearment-I don't know why Will and I just love that word!) This evening he ate 3 pieces of cheese, 1.5 tortillas, sour cream, an egg, and 1/2 a peanut butter sammie. He still wanted more! Will and I had a date night, we've both been sick and home and we needed to get out. When we got home Cole was being his usual self-at 10:30 p.m. and I was just amazed at how precious my baby boy was. I couldn't help but think that all I wanted and needed was sitting in that kitchen at that very moment. And all because 2 people fell in love! I can't thank my hubby enough for these precious precious gifts, Will and Cole.