Ready! Set! Go Shop!

PARENT - Job Description

POSITION :
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop

JOB DESCRIPTION :

Long term, team players needed, for challenging, permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES :

The rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :

None.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :

None required unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION :

Get this! You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them
become financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS :

While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love,
and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.

Source: one of those circulating forwarded emails.

There is free stuff to be had this holiday season.

It has been raining free stuff for a week or so now. A few weeks back we were elated to find, in the mail, a coupon for $10 off any $20 purchase at Office Max. I desperately needed a wireless mouse and keyboard. (Obviously not desperately enough because the coupon sat and when I decided to redeem it, it was 6:50 on a Saturday and the store closes at 7:00-so we missed the free money! Boo-Hoo and shame on us!)

Then, a day or so later, we received a coupon from Kohl's and JC Penney. I never open them up because I just don't usually think to go to these stores for our clothing needs. Target, Old Navy, Banana Republic, or Ann Taylor Loft will usually suffice. But Will opened them up. And they were both offering us a $10 coupon off anything in the store for $10 or more. Um,...yeah, I'll stop in there. So we went to Kohl's first, and we bought Cole a pair of jeans for $2.20! Then the cashier said we could keep the coupon. So we got our bag and bolted outta there before she changed her mind. How exciting! More free stuff!

Saturday evening we hit JC Penney to redeem that coupon. We walked out with a pair of Levis jeans for $4.46. But we were feeling all greedy and decided to head out to Kohl's for the second round of free money. Will walked in and was able to use the coupon again! Another pair of jeans for $2.20!

We got home and we were reeling about how awesome coupons are when we opened our mailbox, guess what we saw?

A $10 coupon off of any $20 purchase at Office max AND a $5 coupon for BEALLS off of $5. Can you believe our luck? So make sure you open those coupons because there are some great finds right now. And I do desperately need that wireless mouse and keyboard so this time I am hitting Office Max early.

And in case you are thinking that they are sending coupons to get us to spend more, you are correct! But we didn't. Because I had Hubby around, I was focused. We only walked out with what we needed.

Your welcome in our club!

Last night we went to JC Penney. It's the newest one here by our house. It was so nice in there-all decked out for the holidays. Christmas music filled the well lit air. Luckily, I had Hubbs because that sound and the ambiance is intoxicating. Intoxicating enough for me to pull out my cash and start shoppin' it up. Well, we found some pants for Cole, some Levis, for $4.46. We walked out of the store and we walked to our car. And walked. And walked some more. Until finally we realized that our car was not there. So we walked some more and instead of looking for our car, we looked for clues. Like glass. We found none. Will called the police.

I walked around some more, just in case we missed it. Then I kinda started to get teary eyed. I was getting sad, thinking this simply cannot be! I just had my car broken into 3 weeks ago and Will had a blow out 2 months ago and a nail in the new truck's tire 2 days ago (which was in the side wall which meant he needed a new tire!-ugh). Seriously, this was the last thing we needed.

But then, my mind started working and visions of Yukons danced in my head. And some more tears squeezed past my eyes. They were happy tears. Then, I thought about the worth of my car and the cost of a Yukon,...yeah,..that's not gonna happen. So I teared up again. I walked to the entrance of the store, and was asking some poeple standing there if they had seen anything. The security guard pulled up and I told him I think our car was stolen. Then I corrected myself, I know our car was stolen.

"Which entrance did you come in from?"

Um, what do you mean which entrance? I look around and I am sure, no, positive, this is the entrance we came in from. Look, double glass doors, Sephora, 411, Sephora written perfectly centered on top. I looked to the right of the store and saw the plaque, ESTABLISHED IN 1902. Yup, pretty sure this is the entrance we walked in to. Look there's the restaurant we talked about as we drove in. I looked inside and then all of a sudden, it doesn't look so familiar. And then I'm confused. I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone. Nothing makes sense anymore. But I was so sure.

So the guard offers to take us to the other entrance. As we pile into the cart, he comments, "you are the 4th people today that this has happened to". {Oh good, that makes us feel better.} Except that by now, I'm kinda hoping the car was stolen because this is all slightly embarrassing. He drives us around the corner, yes, like 100 yards, and then we see it. There it is, in all it's dusty glory. Our car.

Seriously? Has this ever happened to anyone? Are we getting old and forgetful? Or old and careless? I am not finding it at all comforting that 4 other people had that happen to them that day, because people tend to be, well,... stupid. Because there were clues. Like the fact that when we took the time to pay at that exit we noticed it was not the place we came in from!

So, without even knowing it, or intending it, we have joined the stupid club. You are all welcome-because misery loves company!

Whacky Barometers

Every parent knows their barometer of "crazy child" is whack when it comes to their own. I hardly ever think my child is well-behaved. I mentioned that this week would be a hectic one because I had something going on every night and Will was going to have to step in all week, every night. So on Monday I decided that it was a rather casual meeting that I would take him so that Will could stay home and just relax. So I did and the whole time I was there I could swear that Cole was kinda being annoying.

Now, because my barometer I know is waaay off when it comes to my child -you know because I love him so much but he also drives me nuts so much-that I don't react very consistently. Sometimes I play "cool" mom and I let everything just slip off my shoulders. I pretend I have it under control, that all is as it should be. Like Cole throwing tantrums in the shopping carts, remember that? I just walk around like "Do you all hear anything, I don't hear anything" all the while I am pushing around a screaming kicking toddler. I just play it cool.

Then there are those times that I am all feisty and scolding for every little thing. Basically, uptight. I'll see Cole start trying to strike up a conversation with one of the girls at the meeting and I pull him aside and ask him if we "need to go outside and have a talk" kinda uptight. Just for talking. But the thing is that Cole's 2, and he really just couldn't care less, and he just can't help his sweet little heart to not talk to someone. But I forget and I'm all like "don't bother the girls".

So I find myself always confused, never knowing where to draw the line. When to be relaxed, when to be strict, when to be uptight. Because you see, I am not a true judge of my child's behavior. But I know that I am being judged for how I react (or don't react) to it.

This whole mommy gig is hard! 

Christmas Magic

Don't forget about Black Friday!

Just wanted to let you know that I am planning a huge, and I mean HUGE Black Friday sale. Best of all, it will be online so you don't even need to get out of your jammies. Or, you can shop while you're waiting in line all night at the stores. Yay! Either way you win.

But I am pooped, and though I should work on getting my designs on my site, I need to get some rest because I have a shower to co-host tomorrow, the corm maize, client design she needs ASAP (among others), a wedding, and somewhere in there I have to love on my precious little man and big man. Who by the way are sound alseep, all snug as a bug. If I jumped into bed with them would that count as pecious time? What if I held them close?

Sure would but I'm greedy and that's just not enough of them! Good night. I have some quality snug as a bug time to catch.

But I'll see you on Black Friday right? At my site. For the sale. Remember???