A New Year's Resolution

I have been plagued these last few days of all that I hoped this new year would bring. And I quickly felt defeated by my own hopes, and my own failures. Because what I had resolved to do just today, was overshadowed by a trip to Target to get Ellie-Bear a bookshelf for her room, lunch with Mimi and Bop, a visit from Nana as she helped prepare and sew a bed skirt for the nursery, and allergies that had me sneezing all morning until I finally took a Bendaryl which then had me sleeping off what was left of the day.

The email I had intended to send, the shipped orders I had intended to check on, the blog post I had hoped to jumpstart Chic Farm off with for 2011, the late thank you cards I had intended to write, and the new design I had hoped to work on didn't make the cut. And I felt overwhelmed all of a sudden. And afraid of all the failure 365 days of lists would bring me.

But as I passed by Ellie's room, I caught a glimpse of my sweet boy in his baby sister's new twin bed, holding his green "Ellie"phant, lying right next to her crib. And all my fears subsided. He was happy as a clam, anticipating the arrival of his little sister. And I knew then, that the past year, that my whole life had been a complete and utter success. And that it had gone according to plan, and a to-do list had been accomplished and fully checked off,...it just wasn't the one I had written.

"Bury every fear of the future, of poverty for those dear to you, of suffering, of loss. Bury all thoughts of unkindness and bitterness, all your dislikes, your resentments, your sense of failure, your disappointment in others and in yourselves, your gloom, your despondency, and let us leave them all, buried, and go forward... [He] hold[s] the year in [His] Hands - in trust for you. But [He] shall guide you one day at a time. Leave the rest with [Him]. You must not anticipate the gift by fears or thoughts of the days ahead. And for each day [He] shall supply the wisdom and the strength."

 - God Calling by Two listeners