Texas Girl Through and Through

I'm fixin' to tell you something about being Texan. Texan doesn't mean that I'm not educated. I may say "ain't" and "y'all" and call you "Sweetie" or 'Honey" and I might "bless a lot of hearts" and I might even "piddle around". I'll greet you with a big "Howdy" or "Hey Y'all". All soda pop is "Coke" and if I ask for "sugar" it means I want a KISS. I'm polite and say "Ma'am..." and "Sir". And if you hear a Texan say, "Oh, hell no!!" you'd better run. If you're proud to be a Texan then click 'LIKE' tab on my status. Then go up yonder and copy & paste to your status. :-). And P.S. if you don't know where yonder is then you ain't from Texas :)

Got this from a friend's Facebook status. Had to steal it!

2011 Chaotic Bliss

Wow! What a year! So many blessing bestowed upon us this year. So very much to be thankful for. Ellie-Bear is growing up so quickly. I am loving this chaos. It is my bliss. After a few tries, she's finally accepting grass as a part of her life. This photo was taken Nov. 5.

Ellie is standing on her own for short periods of time. Mostly when she's playing with something and preoccupied. Today, she took a single step. Then she fell. Gosh, where has my squishy, cuddly baby girl gone!?

Today was a special day in so many ways. I was presented with an unbelievable opportunity today over what was only supposed to be lunch with a new friend. Funny how things all just fall into place beautifully when we walk in His graces and quit trying to plan and control things.

My mom also came over today and left Ellie a very special gift. This little outfit belonged to my sister when she was a little girl. I cannot wait for Ellie to wear it proudly.

Cole is also growing so fast. He doesn't need me anymore to help him shower, or dress, or comb his hair, or brush his teeth or put his socks and shoes on, or put his seat-belt on and off. He doesn't even need me anymore for basic math. My sweet sweet boy can count to over 100, he can add numbers up until 20 (although that #15 is a tricky sneaky little number). He even insists he does "school work" every night.

Well, Little Man is insisting we watch some Christmas movies together right now. We love to watch Hallmark movies. He LOVES this time of year. What a special treat that it is such a special time for him already.

Dear Cole,

You used to get so mad when I would call you "Silly Goose". I have caught myself calling you that and then immediately have defaulted to "Goose" in hopes it just slips right past you and I don't get the whole "Mom, I am not silly!"

You haven't noticed and it's kinda become habit. So now you're just Goose. I rather like it.

Love,

Mom

Lighning McQueen, Sandwiches, and Tears - That's a Mouthful!

Dear Cole,

I am about to confirm something you thought all along about your Mama,...I am cru-azy!
Granted, it's very late. I am very tired and I am trying to tidy up for another day filled with love, and giggles, and cuddles from you and your sister. I looked inside your lunchbox to clear out the leftovers from school and marveled at how this silly little Tupperware box featuring Lighning McQueen made you smile.

I chuckled at how excited you were to take a sandwich to school today because you got to use it. Then I opened it up and was pleasantly surprised to see how much you had eaten. I was proud of you Little Man. You ate well today. And I got teary-eyed seeing your little bite marks in it.

I thought back at this afternoon and how I just might have seen some evidence of that sandwich on your face all afternoon. I couldn't account for what the smudge on your face was but I was ok with it because it meant you were having such a good time you didn't even bother to wipe it away. I imagined you eating that sandwich with both hands, and the sides of it touching your precious little cheeks as you bit straight into the middle of it.
Silly. Crazy. Weird. Emotional. I know. But I don't care. I take pleasure in these moments where I get to be so utterly and unabasheldy thankful for the life that is in you.
I love you all the way to Jesus. And the only love that is greater than that is His. That's a whole lotta love Goose.

Love,
Mom
(Mother as you have recently started calling me-this has to stop soon-but not too soon because I secretly like love it)

A Passion-Filled Life

When I met Will, we were in high school. I remember sitting on a picnic table with him outside my house. We had only been dating a month or so. I don't quite remember my thought process at the time but I remember just blurting out: "I think you should know that I plan to go to college and I plan to be a stay at home mom. So I need to know now if that is going to be a problem?" There was silence and  I was afraid I might have just scared that boy away.

Seven years later, I married that boy. Five years after that, I had my son. I was living my dream. I was the college educated stay at home mom I always dreamed of being. But still, I felt my life was lacking something. So we decided to have more kids. Infertility became a struggle for us again and I needed something to occupy my mind. So one Mother's Day, my husband bought me the Adobe Creative Suites. And so during the day I played mom, and at night until the wee hours of the morning, I played designer. Little by little I started designing for others.  Little by little I started making money.

Four years after my son was born and by the grace of God, we had our daughter. She wasn't even a week old when I felt pulled to go back to work {from home, and while she napped}. I had gotten a taste of entrepreneurship and passion-filled work. I had stepped into my potential and it felt great. But I was seeing a transformation I wasn't sure I was ready to make. Who had I become? I was abandoning the ideals I had had as a young girl sitting on that picnic table with her sweetheart. And what was worse was that it was by choice. Dirty truth be told, I felt that by making that choice willingly, I was abandoning my children.

It took me a long time and a lot of praying to to be okay with growing me. This quote kept going 'round and 'round in my head for months and everyday I wondered where I would be today if a week ago, a month ago, a year ago, I had taken a leap of faith.  

I wondered what would happen if I committed myself to a life of passion-filled work. I wondered what impact that would have on how I raise  my children. Would I be happier for it? Would they be happier for it?  So this past month, I took a huge leap of faith. I decided to put all my pennies into Making Things Happen for my business. For my family. I packed my bags, said goodbye to my Littles and my Big, and I headed to Pensacola, Florida to meet some ladies who were doing some extraordinary things in their life.

I have been hard at work planting the seeds to make some BIG things happen in my life. Some of it has already happened. Some of it is a work in progress.  I can't wait to share some more about my experience at the Making Things Happen intensive. I can't wait to share some of the things I am working on. But most of all, I can't wait to show my children how to live a passion-filled life.

Sot translated

Cole: "Mom, I want sot."
Me: "What's sot?"
Cole: "You know, the white stuff in the kitchen."
Me: "Bring it to me and show me."
Cole returns,...
Me: "Oh, "salt"! You can't have salt for a snack."

all the way to Jesus

March 11th. Conversation between me and Cole.

Cole: "I love you big as the moon!"


Me: "I love you too."

Cole: "I bet I love you more than you love me."

Me: "no!"

Cole: "Yes. I love you all the way to Jesus!"

Wow. That is a big love!

"Got Milf?"

I blog-stalk a seriously hilarious woman named Sarah Maizes, She's an author, comedian, and single mother of 3. She just wrote the book "Got Milf?" and she made this trailer. I thought it was funny and wanted to share the love. Hoping I can get my hands on the book for our Austin trip next weekend. Yippee!

First Swim of the Year

We decided to take advantage of this beautiful weather today so we took a dip in the pool.

Cole: "I'm a sharf."

Will: "Shark. Sharkkk"

Cole: "Oh. I'm a sharp."

Sharp was the knife conversation 3 days ago. The knife was "sharf" too.

Posted via Blogaway

Cole-isms

As you can see from the picture above, it is spring Summer here in South Texas. It is also barely March. We treated Cole to some outdoor water fun n Friday. He loved it. At the end of that water hose rainbow there is "honey". Cole informed us of that. We were confused too but quickly realized that what he meant to say was "gold". So now he calls it "honey and cookies". We were confused again until we realized that what he meant to say was "milk and cookies". Well, at least that's what we think but the boy has a mind all his own. His nickname for Ellie a few weeks back was "Wachili". We are still confused by that one.

Will was sitting down on the ground playing with Cole. Cole stood up with his back to Will and said "Dad, I'm going to timber." And then he just let himself fall. Thank goodness Daddy has cat-like reflexes!

Sadly, our son's vocabulary also consists of "nursing", "pumping", and "pacifying".

Cole has had to be my little helper when Ellie is screaming in the car. He usually givers her her paci. She doesn't like it much. Sometimes she'll tolerate it. After repeated attempts to "pacify" Ellie, Cole sighs, puts his arms behind him and matter-of-factly and proclaims "Let her cry."

I asked Cole if Mommy worked. His reply, "Um, I thiiinnk not." Pause for some thought. "Yes. You work but at home. You don't go to like,..." And then he forgot what he was trying to say and walked away. 

When he puts up a fight to go to bed at night, he'll say, "I don't want to sleep in my bed, or Ellie's bed or the crib." So that leaves Mom and Dad's bed. If I want a nice peaceful night, he gets the bed until we get in and carry him out. And let's just say the nights are very peaceful.

When he wants to try to convince me of something, he'll say, "won't that be a good idea?" Such as "Hey Mom, after school, if I eat all my snack and lunch, maybe we can go get an ice cream. Won't that be  a good idea?"

Sometimes he'll walk into a room and say to me "Hey there cowgirl!". I love it.

Most of all, I love it when he says "Sure."

Roll over.

Ellie rolled over yesterday! Twice! At 2 months, 1 day. She only does it when she's really really mad and crying though. Which lately has been quite a lot. She's a little congested and I think that has been the cause. We see the Dr. again tomorrow. Another 2 hour wait. Lovely.

She's 8 weeks old and it seems that the 6 week mark was when things really started happening. She has started in with cat naps. My least favorite part of it all. It totally sucks. Just when I get in the groove of things she wakes. But she smiles a whole lot! It's so cute! I love  it how happy she gets when she sees me. She has started sleeping in 6 hour stretches. Well, one 6 hour stretch. But she's a late sleeper. We can usually get her to sleep until 9. Sometimes 10. I don't know what I would do without our swing. Always bought me 2 extra hours of sleep in the morning with Cole too. It's awesome!

I can't believe how big she is. Now when I pick her up she doesn't seem so delicate. She's sturdier now. Bittersweet. Can't wait to talk to her in a year or two but I miss the cuddly little newborn stage. You know the one. The one where they sleep 18 hours of the day and nurse or poop the rest.

Also, got the weirdest visit from my aunt. Super weird because I am exclusively nursing. Not a single missed feeding. Ever. So why the visit? I kinda totally feel cheated.

Work is getting increasingly more difficult now. I'm throwing a few ideas around but waiting to see what the next month will bring. They change so much and i am not sure if it's an irritated throat or tummy or just  her age.

The perfect Puchero

Monkey Hear, Monkey Tear

Yes. We have a sensitive one on our hands. She's just like her Mama.

I was holding her after I had just nursed her and Cole had been asking for candy. We said no. He started crying. She started doing what we call in Spanish "pucheros" which translates into a "pout" or "grimace or distortion of the face which precedes crying". Below is a perfect example of a puchero.

Looks painful (for her) but gosh do we LOVE it when she does it!

Ideal Motherhood

Every morning I feel renewed and refreshed. I've had the longest stretch of sleep I'll have all day. A whole 5 hours. I sit there and I rock my little bundle. A whole 7 weeks old. The house is quiet. The Hubs has left for work and Toddler is still asleep. And as my Baby Girl nurses, she pauses to look up at me and I get a smile. A smile! A smile that says "I think I love you even in all your morning messiness." And this makes my heart smile a really big smile. I am filled with new hope for the day. I think that I may even be able to live up to my idea (or ideal) of motherhood.

I start planning my day. There will be hot showers, hot breakfasts, some silly dancing with the littles, and maybe a stroll to the park if we aren't exhasuted from all the awesomeness the day has brought us.

I run to jump in the shower. I place a very content baby into her bouncy. And that's pretty much it.

I set myself up for failure from the get go. She hates being in a dirty diaper. I should have changed her diaper first. Now I'm half shaven and I can't remeber if I used conditioner but I know I didn't have time to rinse it out. No way I'm going out like that!

There's always tomorrow I guess.

Posted via Blogaway

Nana plays dress up

This is what happens every time Nana comes to visit. It's the only time Ellie gets to wear her nice clothes and accessories.

And this is what happens as soon as she leaves. I just can't keep up with all this foo-foo girliness. Poor baby girl!

Posted via Blogaway

Posted via Blogaway

Expressing Motherhood - Milk Hoarder

I have issues,...milk issues. These issues run so deep I don't even know the root of them. All I know is that I have to breastfeed. Perhaps I fear that it is all I have to offer that is natural, or that this may be the strongest bond I'll ever have with my new baby, or maybe I put all of my fear of failure into this. I don't know. I can't even begin to comprehend it, so I don't even try. I just embrace it.

I had some issues with production with Cole. At least I think I did. I am starting to rethink all of that this time around. Perhaps I was a little uptight back then, with Baby #1. I actually used to take a medication called Motillium that I had to go into Mexico for. It was expensive too. More expensive than formula feeding in fact.

This time around, I am a breastfeeding champ. That's right. I said it. My milk produciton is in overdrive. In fact, Ellie is growing about 51 grams a day as compared to the average 30! Yes,...at her 1 week check up she was where the pediatrician might have expected her to be the following week. He said my milk was gold.

But I work hard, very hard to keep it that way. I have yet to give Ellie a bottle. And when I am not breastfeeding, you may or may not find me pumping. And I don't pump with the intention of ever feeding it to her, I pump to stay ahead of the game. I have this fear of my milk production not being able to keep up with my growing baby. So I pump every chance I get. And if you ring my doorbell, you may or may not find me in this condition:


Expressing Motherhood featuring Shannon Noel from Expressing Motherhood on Vimeo.

You may not want to stop by unexpectedly for a few months:)

Slowing down

"From much further down the road but with a great deal of understanding, you won’t ever regret taking your time." 

- Christa over at Carry It Forward

It's been a while since my last post. As usual. But I have a really really good excuse. Her name is Ellie. Ellie Vivian. And she's just gorgeous. Just look at this precious little creature.

We are smitten by these 8 lbs 20 inches of life. So much more clarity this time around. I am really enjoying the demands a newborn calls for.

Such a glorious time in our lives right now and I am relishing in it. Spending more time rocking this sweet baby girl and cuddling one loving baby boy that it's keeping me from blogging. And that's one thing I am not sorry about.

**Photo taken by the fabulous Melissa Rodriguez. I've raved about her before. She just doesn't disappoint!

Something to talk about.

Ok, if you're a loyal reader, you are privy to some excting news and pictures. I won't post these preggers pics on facebook but I will blog about them.

I went to the Drs. office today and people gasped when they saw me. They even talked about how big I was in Spanish. Guess they didn't realize I spoke Spanish. Then when I turned around from checking in, they actually lifted their bottom off their chairs to get a glimpse of the belly. Guess I'm bigger than I thought. But I'll let you be the judge. Here are some pics my sister took of me today at 38+ weeks as I was getting ready to go to the Drs.

Can't wait to share her arrival soon! I'll keep you all updated!

Inbox Oldies

I think I'm nesting,...but I've been doing it for a month or so now. Just expecting this sweet baby girl to come early. She's a holdout. She seems to be just fine where she is. I, on the other hand, just can't wait and I'm not even sure why. As you can see from the previous post I am having a very hard time letting go and sharing Cole, perhaps sharing  myself with one more little being. I also know the lack of sleep that is in store for me. I actually remember the lack of sleep more than I remember nausea in both my pregnancies and the nausea was bad, as you can tell from this post.

So the point of all that was that I am on a cleaning/organizing trip these days. My house looks like crap-except for Ellie's room but my attic looks fabulous! (Ok, house not too bad but it has been constant work to keep up with the stuff I kept pulling down from the attic. )We had a huge garage sale and then donated boxes and boxes of stuff to Goodwill. What a relief! Well, my attic was clean so I decided to hit up and clean my email account. Apparaelty, I am an email hoearder. Check it out, still have over 3,000 emails to look over! Can you say overwhelming?!

But I am actually glad of it because I am coming across some emails that take me back to these moments in time, my thoughts of these moments in time and I just think they are so special. I have to be careful though because the last time I did the whole email cleaning out thing, this happened.

I didn't blog or document my pregnancy with Cole and then I came across an email I wrote about it and it gave me a glimpse of those days, how I looked and how I felt.

Date: 11/21/2006
Subject: Preggie Eggie Pics

"I promised many of ya'll pictures of me during my pregnancy so here goes. I took some tonight and realized they sure made me look big but I am hitting my 7th month on Friday and have actually only gained 10 lbs. so the camera adds 10 lbs.!!! I look so much like my sister as she went through her months. The sizes and shapes and bellies and everything has been exactly the same. It's crazy, except she got lucky and skipped the nausea. Anyhow, I am also sending a link where you can see the sono of Thomas Cole and his most recent pictures..

Hope you enjoy and we'll talk soon. Oh, BTW sis has dilated 2 centimeters as of last Wednesday but still hanging in there. It will probably happen as the turkeys are coming out of the oven!!!! I will keep you posted..."

First of all, no one calls me Preggie Eggie anymore :( AND I now think it is sooo silly that I would think people would care about my preggers pics enough for me to send them a whole email about it. Also, I referred to Cole as "Thomas Cole" because we weren't sure then what we would call him on a daily basis. "Cole" won out I guess.  

Every Little Ounce of You

I wrote this at 4 am one morning and there it sat, in my drafts. I wanted to read it and reread it to make sure there was nothing I would forget to say to my son who was an only child. Whose status as such would soon change. But I see that I will always have somthing more to say , something more to write to him. But I have a lifetime to do that.

Dear Cole,


We have been so wrapped up in life that even though I have been writing letters to you in my head for weeks, I haven't had the time to write them on paper for you. Which was something I have been wanting to document for you. The days when it was just us and you. And the days keep passing us by, life keeps passing us by and pretty soon, there will be two of you.


And so here I am, much later than I wanted to be here, telling you, telling the world through sobs and tears, just how very special you are. Just how much magic you alone have brought into our lives.

You are so excited right now awaiting on the arrival of your baby sister, Ellie. You kiss my belly. You ask me every chance you get, "What's Ellie saying?" I usually reply something along the lines of "She says she loves you", "she says she can't wait for you to hold her", "she says stop tickling her". And it's never enough. You want more. You are fascinated by her. Your reply is always "And what else?" So I indulge you, and I tell you more of what I think she might one day be saying. And you smile. You smile oh so big. Because you love this little girl so so much and you don't even know her yet. And it makes me feel so good about the little man you have become.

It doesn't bother you at all that I can't carry you, or rock you, or run after you. Because even before you could look at her and see her in all her cuteness, you loved her. You loved her when pieces of me had to be given to her. You loved her when I had to stay in bed because I was sick. You loved her as I lay in bed, too nauseous, and dizzy to make you breakfast. You loved her as you watched tv alone eating your cheesestick and apple sauce lunch just waiting to rush to my rescue as I ran to the bathroom. You loved her as you patted my back as I crouched over the toilet and said "You're ok Mommy. You're sick because Ellie is growing." You loved her as you handed me water and a wet towel to put on my forehead. You even loved her when I wouldn't let you lay in bed with me at night because I was nauseous and I said you talked too much which made me dizzier. You loved her without conditions. Without strings. Without even having really known her.

But this is you. My sweet little man. Our everything. Our reason for existing.

I am struggling here to capture these moments in time. These moment when it was just you and me and Daddy. These long days we spent getting to know one another. Uninterrupted, yet interrupted constantly by phone calls, and emails, and visits, and laughs, and joys, and sadness, and disciplines, and long car rides, and short car rides, and silent trips to school , and trips to school full of Christmas music or the La La La song (New Soul). You learned how to press the pause button on the DVR yesterday, and that is just what I would like to do. Pause time. So that I may never forget how magical our time together and alone has been.

I took the picture below of you on December 2, 2010. Amidst a chaos of activities. We were at the Houston Zoo with Uncle Mark.  You were having the time of your life. Uncle Mark was racing you around the zoo in the stroller. I was smiling in between ligament pains from a growing belly, trying hard to keep up with you. Stopping to rest every few steps and breathe through the pain. Daddy was here and there. Back and forth between you and me. And I asked you to pause so I can get a picture. And I ran to give Uncle Mark the camera. 

I love this picture already. That you let me take it. I will always look back upon it and say: That was the shirts I had to trick him into wearing. Those were the days he refused to wear anything but blue jeans. That was our last trip as a family of three. He was on his last last weeks of  being three. Daddy was not happy to be taking so many pictures but he was still smiling, and there I was, my tummy and my heart heavy, 31 weeks of new life snug inside me, trying – and failing – to stop time. 

I love you. Every blue jean strand of you. Every car of you. Every year of you. Every little ounce of you.

Thank you my precious boy. Thank you for letting me have you all to myself for four years. I'm ready to share you now with your sister. 

Love,
Mom

A New Year's Resolution

I have been plagued these last few days of all that I hoped this new year would bring. And I quickly felt defeated by my own hopes, and my own failures. Because what I had resolved to do just today, was overshadowed by a trip to Target to get Ellie-Bear a bookshelf for her room, lunch with Mimi and Bop, a visit from Nana as she helped prepare and sew a bed skirt for the nursery, and allergies that had me sneezing all morning until I finally took a Bendaryl which then had me sleeping off what was left of the day.

The email I had intended to send, the shipped orders I had intended to check on, the blog post I had hoped to jumpstart Chic Farm off with for 2011, the late thank you cards I had intended to write, and the new design I had hoped to work on didn't make the cut. And I felt overwhelmed all of a sudden. And afraid of all the failure 365 days of lists would bring me.

But as I passed by Ellie's room, I caught a glimpse of my sweet boy in his baby sister's new twin bed, holding his green "Ellie"phant, lying right next to her crib. And all my fears subsided. He was happy as a clam, anticipating the arrival of his little sister. And I knew then, that the past year, that my whole life had been a complete and utter success. And that it had gone according to plan, and a to-do list had been accomplished and fully checked off,...it just wasn't the one I had written.

"Bury every fear of the future, of poverty for those dear to you, of suffering, of loss. Bury all thoughts of unkindness and bitterness, all your dislikes, your resentments, your sense of failure, your disappointment in others and in yourselves, your gloom, your despondency, and let us leave them all, buried, and go forward... [He] hold[s] the year in [His] Hands - in trust for you. But [He] shall guide you one day at a time. Leave the rest with [Him]. You must not anticipate the gift by fears or thoughts of the days ahead. And for each day [He] shall supply the wisdom and the strength."

 - God Calling by Two listeners