Houston Bound!

Lots has happened and I have neglected my blog. Wanted to spend some time to update this weekend but Mom, Sissy, and I decided at the last minute to head out to Houston for the Nutcracker Market! Too too excited! So maybe when we return on Monday I can blog. Maybe.

Picture from www.HoustonBallet.org

Where's my gum?

Cole: "Mom, I swallowed my gum"

Me: "You know you're not supposed to swallow your gum! Why did you swallow it?"

I turn around to find this....

Me: "Um, I'm pretty sure you didn't swallow it."

Cole: "I don't have it anymore."

Me: "Yes, you do. It's in your hair. and on the seat. and on your hands."

**sigh**

The Power of Prayer, Pure and Simple

I do not deny that I am the Queen of Indiscretion. There are no secrets when it comes to me. I bare all, even when I shouldn't. And there are times when I am remorseful to have shared some big challenges and failures of my own, but I do. And I fear I always will. But one thing I have learned is that sometimes through my humility, someone is helped. So, yesterday I bared my soul with you. With the world. To see, to scrutinize, to criticize, and hopefully, to inspire. That was the email I had emailed a very select group of individuals who have helped me through some very tough times. Some people who have brought me closer to God. Some people I knew would help me through this one as well. And after much deliberation, and having seen His hand in it all, I wanted to share it with you. To give you hope.

It has only been 2 days since I sent that email out. And if only you could see the beauty that I have seen in those 2 days, you would be amazed. Awed. Inspired. Just as I am. Just as my man is. I am ever so thankful for this blessing that is losing our only income. It sounds crazy. I know. It is. But my faith never wavered and somehow, through adversity I was able to be the rock that my husband needed me to be. I was able to be the Wife that I always dreamed to be. So I will continue to share some very intimate moments in our lives right now. Moments between a husband and a wife. Moments worth telling the world about.

My husband was devastated. One can only imagine the burden on his shoulders to be the sole breadwinner and to not be able to provide for your family. But all I could feel was calm. And the only fear I felt was not being able to emulate that serenity onto my husband. What if I wasn't able to provide the comfort and support he so desperately needed? So immediately, I prayed. And I cried. And then I sent an email out. It said this exactly.

I sat down and I listened. I stood still so the world could move me. And it did.

*Email from AG: "Have confidence that you are exactly what he needs and go with your heart, it will lead you where you need to go."

*Email from DG: "I'm very sorry that Will could be possibly losing his job, but at the same time I am very excited for what's in store for him!" - "Your prayers for Will will be crucial throughout this trying time also.  Your prayers for your husband are the most important than anyone else's prayers for him, even his own mother's.

*I looked on my desk at a prayer card I had sitting there for weeks and it read "Lord, give my husband patience to wait for Your perfect timing." -Stormie Omartian

*I sat to open a daily prayer book and the prayer for the day was "...So be strong and courageous, all you who put your hope in the Lord." -Psalm 31: 24

* At the end of the day my husband came home a new man, filled with words of encouragement from his friends and loved ones from the Lord. He was open to  meet with the husband of a dear friend of mine, one of my email recipients, TO. He is a minister for Cowboy Church. And I thought what a blessing it was to see my husband so hungry for His word. I had prayed about that.

*A friend of mine, KF came over to check some pants for Cole to see about patching them up and I was reminded about my prayer for my husband for the year. It was written a few months back. It had to do with his work. That God would show himself and lead us in the right direction. Should he stay or should he go. My prayer was being answered.

*Will gets a Facebook message from JE titled Old Friend. "Been a long time since our Sunday school days Willie. How are you. Hope things are fine."

*Cole pulls out the Bible and insist I read it to him. Will and I are talking. He starts to cry to read it to him. I open it up at random to read. Will and I continue to talk. He asks me what the ribbon in the book is for. I explain it is a bookmark. So I read it to him where the page is marked. It is Daniel 2:18 "Moreover, the thing which the king demands is difficult and there is no one else who could declare it to the king except gods, whose dwelling place is not with mortal flesh. Because of this the king became indignant and very furious and gave orders to destroy all the wise men of Babylon." -Will was given 30 days to perform a miracle in his job as a Lending Officer or be either fired or choose to resign.

*So very thankful of the spiritual awakening going on in my husband's life, I opened the daily prayer book at the end of the day yesterday and again, He spoke to me. He spoke to my husband. "I had only heard about you before, but now I have seen you with my own eyes. I take back everything I said, and I sit in dust and ashes to show my repentance." Job 42:6

This is just an inkling of what had transpired yesterday. There were calls about job opportunities, and a certain little toddler boy who just seemed to know his Daddy needed some extra special love and attention. But some things I just have to save for ourselves. To mull over and rejoice in;)

I don't know what His plan is for my family and the waters seem treacherous right now. But boy am I excited for our future!!!!

The Power of a Praying Wife

We got word this weekend that my husband may not have a job next month. I am not a worrier about important things like this. I worry about meaningless things like if my email was received and if the package will arrive via UPS as scheduled. Those are the things that give me anxiety. Maybe that's my fight or flight instinct. I had a gut instinct for a while now and have wanted him to leave his job at BBVA/Compass. I have not been pleased with them at all. I truly had a light bulb moment when he told me the news. I saw it as a blessing. He had refused to leave for years. He's so loyal, my precious man.

Even so, as I write this my hands shake and my heart breaks in between sobs because I do desperately need prayer. Prayer that I can be the wife that my husband needs me to be because he is worried. And his sense of self is being challenged. Because this blessing is disguised as failure on his part. And that thought just kills me. That is when I want to lose it. The thought of my man thinking he is anything less shakes me to my core. But my challenge is knowing what to say, or what to do. I find myself paralyzed. I am so afraid to accidentally validate or not validate what he is going through. What he is feeling. He's actually opening up to me about work and I don't want him to close up. He's worried to talk to me considering "my condition". (I'm just pregnant but somehow it has elevated to a condition these last few days. Silly but I dare not say so! It may also be he fears I will slip into a depression-an old family friend.)

I just want to assure you that we will be fine. I have a plan for us but instinct (or heart) tells me I won't be needing it because His is better. We are blessed in that we have a family that is willing and able to provide the emotional and financial support we  need if things go south but we hope we are able to stand on our own two feet. Well, we'd like that at least.

So I am asking for prayer for myself to be able to be the comfort and support he needs right now. And a prayer for my husband to be filled with the same peace about this that I am filled with. Or that he finds another job. Or that I find a job:,(

I'd also like to ask for your discretion in this. That it be between just us. I don't want my husband to know that I am reaching out on his behalf because I don't think that will help him in any way get though this easier.

Holding Still

Amidst the worry and anxiety of what is happening in our lives right now, I feel at peace and am extremely thankful for all that I do have and all that I have been blessed with. I can't wait to see what big things he has planned for my family!!!!

Thank you Dawn for referring me to the following scripture verse:

James 1:2-4 (New International Version)

Trials and Temptations

 ²Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. ⁴Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Ellie's Nursery Sneek Peek

I have searched high and low for the perfect nursery fabric and crib bedding for Ellie-Bear's room. Finally, after countless wasted internet googling hours, I have found it. But it won't be easy. It must all be made, as in handmade. Because the closest I could get to it was with coordinating fabrics. Which Hubs will not be happy about. But it is EXACTLY what I want.

Do you know how hard it is to find light pink and gray fabric for a nursery? It is countless google search hours hard! So here's a sneak peek at just some of the fabrics:

Do you not love it as much as I do????? I also found coordinating elephant, giraffe and owl pink and gray fabrics!!! AHHH. I am absolutely beside myself excited!!!!!

Photo from polkatotdesigns.com

Now, if you love it as much as I do and decide you want to just purchase the crib bedding for a whopping $350, you can go here and buy it. They also sell the fabric by the yard but it costs about two times what you can find it at at a certain online store.

Google,...I love you!!!!!

"God made cutting hard"

Cole: "Mom, cutting is hard."

Me: "Yes, it can be."

Cole: "Why?"

Me: "I'm not sure. Sometimes it just is hard to cut."

Cole: "Did God make it hard?"

Me: Baffled. "No, God didn't make cutting with scissors hard."

Cole: "Yes. Yes he did. God made everything."

Me: "Yes. I suppose you're right. God did make everything."

Pause. "How did you know that?"

Cole: "My teachers told me."

Too young to work?

It's never too young to learn responsibility!

Grandfather's Week

Cole had a special breakfast with the grandparents last Thursday and Friday at school. Thursday my folks (Nana and Tata) went to accompnay him and never made it to the Social Room to actually get picstures taken because Dad is too shy to ask where to go. But Cole still had a special morning with his Tata and got to get dropped off by him at school. He was sooo excited! It was too cute!

Friday he got visited at school by his Bop (Will's Dad), who found the Social Room because he is a seasoned veteran. Last year he was the only one able to make the breakfast. We only got to take a picture of Cole and his Bop this year since they got to actually eat breakfast.

The Bump is Back!!!!

Ok, so the bump has been there since Week 5 it now looks like a Baby Belly and not Muffin Top.

20 weeks along...halfway there!!!!

Praying for our Children

"Enable my children to bear all things, believe all things, hope all things, and endure all things."

Not sure if you have ever had the opportunity to read the book by Stormie Omartian, "The Power of a Praying Parent". It's a fantastic read. Because I prayed for my child (just one at the time) but I prayed that he would have a great day, that his cold would subside but I never really prayed for his future. And then a dear friend, Beckie H. told our group how she often prayed for the spouses of her children. She prayed that God would shape them and that they would know Him. She prayed for their teachers and their friends all before they ever met her children. I can't find the words she used but I just remember thinking how truly important it was that we pray for all the people that our children would one day encounter so that when our children do cross paths with them, they are filled with Him more. Also, I thought that what if, just what if, no one else had ever prayed for them?

Not long after, another dear friend, Dawn, suggested another book by Stormie, "The Power of a Praying Wife". I still have not bought the book but she gave me these daily prayer cards. I pull one out daily and leave it on my desk to remember to pray for my husband that day, and also so  that he sees it and knows that I am always praying for him. A client was over last night and she saw the cards sitting on my desk and rifled through them. She loved them and I think you will too. The quote above was actually the prayer for my husband, but I changed it up a bit so that I could also use it to pray for my children and their spouses.

Aanndd,....as I was on Amazon trying to find the links and I saw that Stormie had another book out for husbands...*hint *hint Babe.           

Our Sweet Baby Girl: From Elephants to Bears and Everything in Between

As soon as we confirmed we were having a girl, we decided on a name. Actually, as soon as we were pregnant with Cole, we had the name of our first girl. This name was always a top contender. To be quite frank, it was the only contender. Seriously, when I suggested it, it was a done deal. Will loved it immediately. Cole's name was relatively easy as well. I always wanted a Thomas and his middle name was between Dean and Cole. I think we made the right choice.

Anyhow, we're ready to share the name of our sweet Baby Girl now with the world. We've been calling her Baby Bear and Sister Bear between the family even though her name is no secret at all. But still, I get chills when I see it written. It just makes it all so real,...so tangible. We're having our girl. Can't quite digest it all sometimes.

We wanted to honor Nanny, Will's grandmother, who we are very very close to. So we bestowed upon our precious daughter a middle name that for us carried so much grace and character. We wanted a name that was a constant reminder of our virtues and our faith.

Ellie: shining light, noble, exalted, sun ray
Vivian: lively

Never mind the whole elephant image, for a while I'd been calling her Ellie-phant and I do love the color combo of gray and pink which is the direction I am thinking of going in her bedroom.  Nonetheless, she's still our Ellie-Bear.

No Pictures Please!!!!

Today was Cole's first day back at school. I couldn't sleep last night I was so giddy with excitement!

It's not how it looks. Really. He was happy and very excited about his first day at school. The pictures are deceiving. I think he was just annoyed that I kept asking him to pose.

He was excited about that firetruck all weekend. It's in the second picture but I only got a small part of it in there. He kept saying he was gonna grab that firetruck and play with it. I got there early so that he could get it and I could leave without him crying for me. You know, so that he would find solace in the toy. 

He was a little sad when I told him I had to leave. He kept whispering to me that he was "scared". So his teacher, Miss Jeanie sat next to him and gave him the snuggles he needed to say goodbye to me. I left the classroom and stayed in the building for a while. He was completely fine. Then I got to talking to another mother and forgot to watch that he wasn't watching me and he spotted me through his classroom window. He smiled BIG and yelled "Mommy! I love you!" And then he threw me kisses. Then I left for real. I think he stayed ok.

Now, I'm just sitting here at home,...nervous. Wondering if he is still in fact ok.

Finding Refuge

So I'm guessing it's the hormones and the nausea that are kinda making me fell blue. Kinda agitated. Kinda restless. Kinda like maybe I want to go back to some kind of out of house work. Maybe all mothers feel this discord with where they are. This sense that maybe they are wasting their talents. If I was working I would think that I should be home. That my talent was loving and nurturing and rasing  my child.

I felt this when Cole turned 1 and I decided to go back to work. After working almost a year, I felt that maybe I should be home. So I quit to be home. Now I'm back to where I was a year and a half ago. And I guess I am just wondering if the old adage is true: that the grass is always greener on the other side. Is it? Is this all there is to life? Will I never be content with my place in life? The place I worked so hard to be? 

I think I've been sick inside these four walls for too long (8 weeks) because I almost want to find refuge in a 9-5. But then I can't imagine not finding refuge in the arms of my child 24/7.

Which reminds me of the mini meltdown I kinda wanted to have in the Wal Mart parking lot this afternoon. I had just eaten lunch and hour or so earlier. I thought it would be safe for me, Cole, and my full tummy to venture into Wal Mart. I started to get really hungry there. As we were leaving Cole was tripping in front of the cart, hanging onto the cart, and wiping his hands across every aisle. I was growing more and more frustrated with each and every warning I was giving him. We walked outside into the sweltering South Texas heat and I imagined pushing a cart with a baby and trying to deal with Cole and I just wanted to cry out of hunger frustration. And for a moment I wondered if maybe I would appreciate moments like this if I was working. Would I cherish my time with him more?

I think it's my hormones talking and right now they're telling me I need to eat some nachos, which consequently are extremely hard to find at 11 at night. And I know this for a fact because I sent mom over to the nacho stand and Will over to the ballpark to get some and they were all closed for the night. Guess I'll go find refuge in those sweet and sticky arms of my little man - but first I have to interrogate him and find out what the sticky stuff is ;)

Cole is swimming like a pro!!!!

Will has been asking me to post this for days!!!! There ya go baby...now you can see it 100 times a day! Enjoy!

Cool Songs...for Toddlers

I was watching Practical Magic a few days ago and I love love love the part where the girls have Midnight Margaritas to Coconut by Harry Nilsson. Cole happened to walk in and I was really into it. He thought I was weird but I soon got him singing along. I even managed to get him to replay it and sing it with me.

So on Monday he walks in as I am working away at the computer and says, "Mom I want the cool party song."

I about fall off my chair. I'm all proud of him. I whisk him up and hug and kiss him. He's such a party animal! I am such a proud mama! So I get on YouTube and find it and play it.



He gets pissed! Starts yelling "no"!

I'm all like "Yes, just wait....watch, wait for it, now....You put the lime in the coconut...."

"No! That's not the cool song!"

Yes. Yes. I think it is the cool song.

He insists those aren't the guys that were singing the cool song on tv. Ohhhh. Light bulb moment. Quite embarrassing that I was belting a margarita song and insisting my toddler love it. Apparanelty, he has horrible taste in music. Curse you Nick jr and Yo Gabba Gabba!!! He meant the Cool Pool Party by the Aquabats.

It really does suck this song. Have a look-see:

Silver Moons

I was just rereading an email I had replied to earlier and the realization hit me. Like it really really hit me,....we're having a GIRL!!!!! I just couldn't believe that I get to claim those three simple little words..."We're having a girl."

Wow. I'm not sure what I think it means for me. For us. But wow. What a stress reliever. Because I would be worried for the next few years that I may never have a girl. That the name we had staked for our daughter would never be able to be uttered by us for our own.

I think that Cole yearned for a boy though he was always happy to be told by me that it was a girl. He didn't want to disappoint me so he just insisted there were two in my belly; one for me and one for him. But he's excited now. Especially since we don't really ask him if he has a preference anymore. He understand it just is what it is.

Now Mimi (Will's mom), she's over the moon excited. She had two boys and Will's paternal grandmother had three boys. So the cards were stacked against us in her opinion. She finally gets her girl. It was so funny because Will's dad (Bop) is such a tough guy but he's really a big ol' teddy bear. When Will called him to share the news he was like "Let me guess; another boy." So I think secretly he's over the moon too to have his very own little princess.

Truth be told, we're all just over the moon. Gosh, I have so much shopping to do!

We're thinking PINK!!!!!!

Thought you should all be the first to know that the Dr. thinks that most likely Baby #2 is a little girl. But I don't want to celebrate too early because what if baby changes....just really superstitious. However,....I am officially hanging up the girl stuff I bought in the closet. HeeHee!!!!

Unconditional Love????

Cole: "Mom, can I have more apple juice?"

Me: "No, it's all gone. There's no more."

Cole: (mumbling and with his hands over his mouth) "I don't love you anymore."

So I stopped what I was doing to turn around and look at him. 

Me: "What did you say?"

Cole: (still mumbling through his fingers) " I love you."

Me: "No, that's not what you said. What did you say?"

Cole: (covering his face) "I don't remember."

Right.

Still working through this one....

Is it a Boy or a Girl????

We hope to find out soon, but in the meantime, cast your vote. I put a poll up on the left side of the blog so you can do so.

BTW, I know the blog look is weird and I plan on working on it. I plan on it. But I am like 6 weeks behind in client work and the aesthetics of my blog will have to come later. BooHoo, but I'll have some very happy clients who will now be relieved to know I am back in business and ready to deliver! Thanks for being so patient with me!

Now go vote!

Toddler Care

Some days are good, some days are bad, and some days are really really bad. This is the 3rd good day in a row and probably something to celebrate. But I'm still leery and scared because the last time I celebrated, it bit me in the bum. For 6 weeks. So, we'll just say I'm having a good day, good enough to blog briefly.

I'm sure you're wondering just how bad my days have been. Let's just say that my toilet and I have become a lot more intimate than I am comfortable with. But even sadder is that my toilet and toddler have also become a lot more intimate than I am comfortable with. We spend a lot of our time in the guest bathroom he and I. There are strict rules that must be followed:

the toilet bowl must be clean at all times
the toilet must remain flushed at all times
the toilet seat and rim must be wiped down after every use
the blue stool must be present at all times
the shower curtain must be open and draped up at all times
there must be clean hand towels readily available
a clean glass must also always be readily available
and absolutely NO pooping in the guest bathroom (or at least I must never know about it)

Little Man has really grown into his own and now has to take care of his Mom. Here is a teeny-tiny dysfunctional glimpse of the happenings of our house these last few weeks:

Yes, that's my three year old holding my head and rubbing my back as I throw up. He's also saying, "Mommy, it's ok. You're going to be ok."

I know. It's pretty sad. He then gets me wet towels and fills a glass of water and then demands that I drink,...and then swallow. And he watches me, and waits, to make sure I swallow.

The Dad Life

Seriously, I haven't blogged since the 21st of June? I need to get better at this. BUT I have been reading other people's blogs and found this video and the creased dockers, lawn love, checkbook magic, and that popcorn bowl I was immediately reminded of my man. Except, he's waay cooler than those dads, ya know, just like my kids.



and I wasn't kidding about the popcorn bowl. It's exaclty the one I got from 1-800-Flowers when I had Cole. From the proud Papa. Here's proof....

Mind over Matter

I want to be asleep. I really really do. But it appears that my previous letter to morning sickness has pissed it off. I felt horrible yesterday. Horrible. All day I was trying to keep things down. I wimpered and lay in bed all day. Then, I made a lentil soup like my Aunt Ana used to make me. And I just ended up flushing it down the toilet. So tonight I was sitting in the living room just trying to kill time. So I watched a Lifetime movie. Not just any movie, but one I'd already seen. I hate rewatching movies. But I felt crappy and I wanted to avoid barfing again.

But I finally gave in and got in bed. I kept repeating these 3 words in my head, "Mind over matter". It's all in my head. I could have thrown up many many times but I have kept myself busy. My mind busy. So I tried to think about random stuff. Stuff to get me to doze off. Then I remembered I hadn't prayed in a while. The last time I had prayed I had prayed that morning sickness stayed at bay because I had a project I had to finish up for a client. I also prayed for some more work. I felt fantastic the following day and then ended up getting super duper busy with BIG jobs (as in more than one). I must have gotten caught up in all the excitememnt and feeling awesome that I forgot to pray again.

So I thought of this as I lay there feeling guilty for not having spoken to Him in a few days. And all I could think to pray for was to be thankful. Thankful for morning sickness. For the sign of life within me. New life. For an answer to a prayer we had recited over and over again. And I felt better so I decided to blog. Now that I'm not afraid of the barf, I think I'll join my Baby Daddy in bed. Who by the way had a crappy Father's Day because I was feeling icky. So I might have said to him that his gifts were making me nauseous...Happy Father's Day. My poor Man, he even thanked me!

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY WILL!!!!!

An open letter to Morning Sickness

I cannot stop eating. I love food. I have to admit that I have had visions of me putting my whole fist in my mouth just to momentarily kill the hunger. And this usually occurs as I am driving home from having just eaten. I have put on 4 pounds in 4 weeks with this pregnancy. I am already wearing maternity clothes (nevermind that I probably should have gone up a size before pregnancy, I am just happy to be able to blame it on something rather than just my own lack of discipline.) I am sporting the belly of someone who is in her 4th or 5th month of pregnancy. Yeah. I'm in my second. I'm blowing up people! I'm blowing up!!!!

When I was pregnant with Cole, I had horrible morning sickness,..all day. And all night. I think I lost 6 pounds in the first trimester. Water wouldn't even stay down. So I looked svelte during my pregnancy. Except towards the end that my face got swollen. But I didn't even notice it until I had seen a picture I had taken and that made me wonder if maybe I didn't look so hot after all. But you could only tell I was pregnant when I would turn around to face you and my big o' belly would knock you down. I have a feeling that my ass is gonna get pretty wide this time around. I laughed when people said that with the second pregnancy your body knows what to do and it springs into action. That you get bigger. "No,...not me. I'm a teeny little thing." I was always kinda reassured that the nausea would help me lose those extra pounds and would assure me that I again would gain no more than 22 pounds in pregnancy.

Dear Morning Sickness,


I hated you. I hated the thought of motherhood with you around. I couldn't even imagine motherhood with you lurking at every bite and sip. I couldn't see past that toilet I became very close to. Oh, and those brown paper bags. How they saved me a time or two. I remember the ride to the airport to catch a plane to Oregon. I thought you were in my past. And you snuck up on me. There was not a brown paper bag in sight. But I managed to swindle a plastic baggie from brother or sister and then we became very close-baggie and I. I learned a lot about keeping quiet under pressure. Vomit pressure.


You also brought me closer to my OBGYN and all his staff. We were in there every week to check on baby. The contractions my stomach did all day everyday worried him. So we had to go in and get checked all the time. Sick. Nauseous. I hated you as I had my sights on that OB's bathroom. And when someone would go in there, I'd break a sweat. In a panic I would look around for somewhere to quietly relieve myself. Because you were a sneaky little thing. You liked to keep me on my toes.


But I survived your 12 weeks of torture. I did. Yes I did. So this time around, I was ready for you. I had my people lined up to help battle you, and bring me wet towels and headbands. And to watch my other little terror. The 3 year old. Remember him? Now that I think about it, it occurs to me that you two might have been in cahoots. You haven't showed up but sometimes, he talks so much he makes me nauseous with this pregnancy. 

So where are you now tough guy? I'm in my 7th week,...I'm just sayin' 

Thinking of you,


Vannessa

Also, Cole is super duper excited about being a big brother. He has given himself a new honorary title: Brother Bear. Hmm, thinking that's a cute shirt idea......But in the meantime, this picture of Baby Bear (at 6 weeks 6 days) will have to do....

Baby's 1st picture!

So far so good!

We're measuring a week behind which accounts for the scare we had a week and a half ago when the Dr wasn't liking what he wasn't seeing. That explains a lot! We are now looking at a due date of the 30th of January 2011. We even saw the heartbeat flutter! Pretty neat!

I will still love you Lord!

So has anyone seen the movie, Facing the Giants? Mom brought it home one day as part of her assignment. She needed to write a paper and asked for my help. I hate school stuff. Been there, done that, don't want to go back. Then, to top it off, it's a footbal movie....serious eye rolling action going on now....

But, I had to help her. So I watched it. And I LOVED it! That was some time ago.

It's about a football coach at a local high school whose team has never won a football game. He and his wife are struggling financlially, they are struggling with infertility, and he is struggling to keep his job. The one thing that he does not struggle with, is his faith.

One day he goes out into a field and he reads his Bible and prays. His wife comes out and he asks her: "If the Lord never gives us children, will you still love Him?"

Then, he goes to school and he tells his players:
"I want God to bless this team so much people will talk about what He did. But it means we gotta give Him our best in every area. And if we win, we praise Him. And if we lose, we praise Him. Either way we honor Him with our actions and our attitudes. So I'm askin' you... What are you living for? I resolve to give God everything I've got, then I'll leave the results up to Him. I want to know if you'll join me."

So these young players start beleiving and they start winnning. His wife still does not get pregnant. One day, she calls a friend embarrased that she feels pregnant but is hesitatnt to go into the Drs. because her pregnancy tests are always negative. She finally decides to go in and they test her. The nurse comes in and gives her the negative results. She walks out to her car, and cries and then says "I will still love you Lord."

Meanwhile, back in the Drs. office, the Nurse realizes that a mistake has been made. She runs out to the parking lot and gives the news to his wife (Brooke Taylor).

Now, back to my real life,....I am pregnant again. Almost six weeks. Feeling fantastic. It's supposed to be a secret until we knew everything was going great. Until we saw a sac or heard a heartbeat. Went to Drs. this morning and he didn't like the progress that has been made. He should have seen more. So more blood tests. Another appointment next week and a veeery loong weekend ahead of me. Waiting. and Wondering. Just like last time. Exaclty 2 months ago.

But I have faith right? And my faith is stronger than his ultrasound machine. But still....on the long drive home, I started to think. In my head. And we know that that is never a good thing. And I started thinking about the difference between having faith and being realistic. Which got me down. I was in a funk. I pulled into the garage, shut the door and I felt paralyzed. All I wanted to do was cry. So I did. In my garage. But only briefly because I live in Texas and it's freakin' hot. Then I thought "I will still love you Lord!"

And so were off to the beach tonight with some dear friends and their 4 kids! For 3 days! I am hoping for some major chaos because I need this weekend to help me keep my mind off of tests, and results, and appointments.

And to keep reminding myself to praise Him,...no matter what.

Disclaimer: Hubs gave me strict instructions to keep the news under wraps. And technically, I am. I am not telling anyone. Not directly at least. So if nobody reads my blog (and I don't think anybody does), nobody knows. Right? Right?

Meet Maci!!!!

Oops, found this post in my drafts from a couple of months back. I guess I should have shared it way back when but it's never to late.

Sooo,.....

I finally got a Mac! that was my super awesome Mother's Day gift (though I've had it for a little over a week). I love it. LOVE. LOVE. LOVE. it. Like seriously? Why didn't I go Mac before? Long before. You know what they say right, "Once you go Mac, you never go back."


But I am still learning the intricacies of my new and precious family member little toy. For example, forward delete, where are you my friend? I miss you oh so very much. I need to find a shortcut to you.

Also, there is a Caps Lock delay on my Mac. So SOMETIMES MY SENTENCES ENDED UP LOOKING LIKE THIS because it takes the key a while to respond to the command. So I decided to Google what was up with that.  And a few Apple geeks were all like:

"Why in the world would you ever want the Caps key when you could just use shift?"

and

"the caps lock key is useless"

And I was all like, "that's freakin' brilliant!" Seriously. Never thought to use Shift to capitalize things. I use it for everything else. It should just come naturally. It would remove one step from the capitalizing of stuff. So then I wondered if I was among the majority or the minority. How many of you use the caps lock and how many of you use the shift to capitalize words?

Red, White, and Blue of Embarrasment

Ok, so seriously, I shouldn't even be blogging right now. I have soo much to do and I have a hard-core deadline I have to meet BUT I just realized that today we are officially able to start wearing bright colors (ahem white) and linens. You would think that after my White Prohibition and moments like this or this, I would be afraid.

But no. Not I.

I am excited to dust off the white and strut my "puppies".

Now, let me ask you:

Do you wear red under your whites? Is that just crazy and bold? Sissy swears by it but seriously, I think I've had enough wardrobe malfunctions to be the guinea pig. Maybe when I don't have a deadline I can spend some time Googl-ing. If you happen by it beforehand, please leave a comment letting us know.

Sweet Cars

These were the cars mini cakes that were supposed to be the main attraction (besides Cole!) at his playdate birthday party... we had to make them ourselves and we had quite the time.

Cole got into the cake batter, er powder as you can see by the evidence on his face.

No bueno

Well, I started bleeding and cramping yesterday. It was a very red, very thin flow. At the Drs. they did another vaginal ultrasound and still saw no sac, no thickening of the lining.

They drew blood AGAIN. This time I couldn't even fathom going another whole weekend wondering. So I asked if they would rush the results. They did. They were at 509 today.

In Will's words: "No bueno,... we're back to humping."

I get to see the OB tomorrow

Sorry I didn't update you all but I am not nauseous anymore. It was the antibiotics I am taking. They make me feel weird so I am trying to time the taking of it better.

But I see the doc tomorrow! Yay! I was spotting since Tuesday but it's so minimal and it kinda doesn't scare me anymore. Tonight I started feeling the ovulating pains too. I hope I'm not ovulating...that would be even more weird than things already are.

I'll keep you posted,..maybe even from the docs office if I can remember how to text my blog. Please pray for us that a sac can be seen tomorrow if they do an ultrasound.

Nauseated

Ok, I am starting to feel an onset of nausea. Yay but super crappy! Yay because that means pregnancy is progressing but I kinda hate my life when I am vomiting 24/7.

Maybe it's the sour pickle I ate-that was yummy! Maybe it's the web surfing I've done tonight. Maybe it's the antibiotic for the urinary tract infection. Maybe it's Cole who is talking in circles and should be in bed. Maybe it's all the work I have to get done. Maybe it's all in my head.

Update to the update on To be or not to be,...

Ok, spoke with Drs. office at 1:00 and guess what? Levels still rising! We are still baking! Still scared, and leary, but yay!!!! Levels today were 222.2, which is a rise of about 67%. Please keep praying that everything continues to go well.

Update on To be or not to be...

Just called the OB/GYN this morning and they don't have results yet! Urgh!!!! I have to call back this afternoon. This will make for a very long day!

I'll continue to keep you posted.

To be or not to be,...Pregnant.

That is the question. The question of the hour. Of the day. Of the week. Of this extraordinarily long weekend.

I feel like one of those characters in one of those daytime soaps. Where to begin,... the beginning I guess.

I have neglected to blog about Part 2 of the story, how I told Will and mom and everyone we were pregnant. There was a reason I deliberately stayed away from my blog for so long, this time at least. I didn't know how the story would end and I was afraid to keep telling you how wonderful this pregnancy was when we didn't even know the viability of it. We still don't know.

THE TIMELINE:

Tuesday, March 10 (11:54 am)

• Positive Pregnancy Test - I love you ClearBlue Digital!!!!
  

Sunday, March 14 (10:25 pm)

• I was sitting here at my computer blogging about walking on Cloud Nine. I posted the story and later that evening went to the bathroom only to find a smidgen of a trace of blood when I wiped. So immediately, I sent an email out to a few friends. It went something like this: "Just went potty and I am spotting ever so slightly. Please pray for us."
  

Monday, March 15 (9:33 am)

• Went to OB/GYN and urine test was positive but very light - they commented that it may be very early still. I was almost at 5 weeks though - not early at all. Hope is lost.
  
• Dr. decided to pass on vaginal ultrasound to not disturb anything.
  
• Blood was drawn to check HCG levels - results would not be in until Wednesday.
• Bleeding started full on this evening.
  

Wednesday, March 17 (8:45 am)

• Went to Drs. appointment to see levels of Monday's HCG blood draw. They were 79.2. I asked assistant what that meant, she said maybe 1-2 weeks pregnant. ALL hope is lost. I am positive I am miscarrying.
• Second blood draw to compare levels - they should rise at least 66% every 36 hours. Results would not be in until Friday. I schedule an appointment for Friday, think it's a waste but it's free, covered under the same pregnancy. So I go ahead and do it.
• I resign to the fact that I will not have a November baby.
• Cole asks if Baby is ok,...I tell Cole Baby is with God. He says he's very sad and rubs my back then kisses my arm.
• Heavy bleeding still.
  
• Extremely hopeful for the next few months.

Friday, March 19 (9:30 am)

• I walk into Drs. office and they make me pee in the cup. We have a routine now, Cole and me. He knows what to do too.
• They take my weight. I think I'm getting kinda fat. I've gained like 8 pounds in the last 6 months or so,...I'm really little people! 8 pounds is a LOT!
• They move me into the ultrasound room and ask me to undress from the waist down. I'm all like "No, no, no! We are just here to talk with the Dr and get the results."
• Nurse Practitioner comes in, smiles and says "we need to do a vaginal ultrasound. You're levels rose 75% like they should". I'm baffled!
• I tell her the levels are low and she says they mean nothing. All that matters is that they are rising.
  
• She does the ultrasound and sees nothing, no sac, no thickening of the lining. She loses some hope, I can see it in her face. She's stumped too. All we can do is draw blood again and find out Monday.
• We draw blood again.
• No longer bleeding, just an occasional spot.
  

So that's where we are. Waiting. All weekend long. Teetering on hope and reality. It's a fine line. I am getting the two confused. I have hope that with Him all things are possible, but I am afraid I am telling myself what I want to hear. The reality is, I am pregnant but how far along or how far lost we're not sure.

I'll keep you posted. I will know tomorrow. I will post as soon as I get back to my computer. A quick post. So stay tuned! And thank you for all your emails and comments and chats - I missed a few of you!!!!

Cloud Nine

I've been walking on Cloud Nine all week. Yes I have. I also cannot stop cleaning! I am walking around the house with a dustbuster. I think at first it was because I kept thinking that I only have a week or two before morning sickness sets in. It set in at about the 6th week with Cole. So even though every pregnancy is different, I have been pessimistic about it this time around. So I feel that it must be done now-now that I still feel good.

But Will, the optimist that he is, tells me to take it easy. And reminds me that every pregnancy is different. I just feel FANTASTIC right now! I did have a very slight headache that wouldn't budge and Friday I stayed home from a scrapbooking crop I was looking forward to forever. I cleaned and caught up on work and the headache went away. It must have been anxiety about the messy house and the projects I had going on.

Cole is excited to be a big brother. He threw a tantrum at a store the other day. As I swooped him up to take him to the car, he kicked me. So I told him that he mustn't do that because he could hurt the baby. I also milked it and told him that it makes the baby and me very sad that he behaves that way.

I had to go into Learning Express the other day for a birthday gift. Last minute as usual which meant I had Cole in tow. Do you see where this is heading? Toddler in toy store....

So, when we left, even after an extensive talk in the car and a "yes mommy, I understand that we will not be buying me any toys", Cole decided he wanted a toy and/or to stay longer, as in... forever. So I swooped him up but this time I held him with his back to my body so that if he kicked he wouldn't kick me. Why didn't I ever think of that? He was unable to use his arms to push off of me. Best idea since sliced bread.

After he calmed down in the car, he asked, tears in his eyes, "Is my baby ok?"

Pregnancy Story - part 1

Remember how I said that Cole has had what my mom calls "Mamitis"? It's when children are all whiney and clingy to their mommies. I described Cole's recent behavior in school and how concerned I was that something was up.

I dropped Cole off at school Monday morning (March 8, 2010) and spoke with his teacher. She too commented on Cole's recent behavior and teased if I might be pregnant. She urged me to visit Walgreens and just take a test. I was intrigued. Very intrigued.

But I waited. Aunt Flow was scheduled to come the following day and thought she might save me $15-she always did before.

Tuesday came. That was all that came all morning. His teacher's teasing kept going through my mind. I dropped Cole off at school and went next door to Walgreens afterwards.

Pregnancy test in hand, I walked out and wandered to Target. I looked at the pretty clothes and found myself in the maternity section. I wished I could shop there. Then I got sad and headed to my car and thought of all my friends who were praying for me, probably at that very moment as I should have been in bible study. I wanted to call them or text them and ask them to pray to be still my heart when I toook the test and got the results.

I cried in the Target parking lot and then my phone beeped. It was a text from Angela just saying hello. Ah, the timing! Angela, one of my many burden bearers and blog readers. So I told her I was sad and scared. And then I felt so much better.

I headed home to pee,...on a stick. There was no usual ritual, no thought about the results beforehand. I just peed. And voila! My stick had happy happy joy joy news! My stick told me I was pregnant. Seriously. Look!



Can you see it clearly? Here ya go again:



Stay tuned tomorrow for how I shared the news with Hubby!

A bit premature maybe,....

but with Faith in God's plan we announce:
Yes, that's right! We are pregnant!!!!! I wanted all my faithful blog readers to be among the first to know.

I am only 4 weeks along. Very very early still. But we're excited and thought we would burst if we held it in. Also, how unfair would that be to keep it a secret from you?

You didn't even know it, but all along you, my readers, were my burden bearers. Thank you for reading. Thank you for listening. Thank you for all the words of encouragement as we struggled to bring this precious little prayer request to fruition.

Come back tomorrow for the story - really, it's already been written and scheduled to post all on it's own. I won't let you down!

Come Enjoy Us

It seems lately that Cole has really started to not like school. He might have mentioned it more than 3 times this morning that he specifically does not like school and he doens't want to go. I can't help but wonder what might have happened that would make him not like school anymore. I thought maybe the kids made fun of him - but then he's barely 3 and that's not likely. The only thing I could think of was that a few weeks back he got in trouble in class and went into time out for jumping off a table. And rightfully so. We followed up on the discipline at home too with another time out. Maybe for a 3 year old that's pretty traumatic? I don't know, I'm 30, and time outs are traumatic for me still. Not that I ever get put into time out but when I feel timed-out, I feel pretty lousy.

I have this anxiety about school. School for Cole. I HATED school. So I am kinda freakin' out. He cries when I leave him. Then he's fine 2 seconds later but I just can't help feel wrong about something.

He was telling me on the drive to school this morning that he didn't like school, he didn't want to go. So I told him that when we got home I would play with him. His face lit up. Then he asked if I would play cars with him. His ultimate joy, and all he wanted was for me to enjoy it with him, or to enjoy him. This, in this time of prioritization, should be top priority. I am making an effort to play with him more, to enjoy him more, but still, it just feels like I am being present. And it took an email to make me see that being present is different from being engaged. And he's 3 but he knows that even though Mommy is there, she's not really all there.

So today I will try to sit on the floor with my toddler, and play cars and build roads till his little heart just can't take it anymore. But then I've been there before and my boy is hard core, so maybe Ill have to put a time limit on it afterall:(

If you're at all interested in the email, you'll find it below:

Come Enjoy Us

By Jeanne Rohrs

The other night my boys and I were sitting down to dinner as my husband entered the room. My three-year-old looked up and said, “Daddy, come enjoy us!”

I love puns, but this one stood out to me because it revealed the heart of my child.

I often miss out on enjoying my children as I herd them from one errand to another. Most of the time I join them but don’t enjoy them. Why aren’t those words synonyms for me as a mom?

Maybe it’s because no matter what I get done, there’s always more to do; more that I think I should have done; more that I think I should be. And there’s guilt over all that I have yet to do. That’s how it happens – my kids become roadblocks.

But when I stop keeping-up-with-the-Joneses and trying to be like June Cleaver, and I really look at my kids, I see their desire for me to enjoy them – to delight in them. It’s then that I ask myself if my agenda is really that important, and if the floor is really too dirty.

Lord, you delight in your children. You quiet them with your love and rejoice over them with singing. Give me your perspective. Help me to enjoy the gift that my kids are.

DIY Play Kitchen

As I was stalking the usual blogs this afternoon I found these great DIY play kitchens. I was inspired,...for all of like 1 minute before I realized that these kitchens that cost them $65 to make would probably cost me $265 to make. This is not including the demands I would make on my overworked and underpaid Hubs or the time outs I would have to put Toddler in for prematurely playing in his kitchen. Sooo,... I will just live vicariously through these domestic divas. They also have some fabulous play kitchen pictures and groups on Flickr that you might find inspiring if you are ever so inclined.

You can click on a picture to be directed to the original blog and post for that play kitchen.

all work and no play

I have been torn lately. Because I don't know how to tune work out. But I do know how to tune my toddler out. Kinda backwards thinking for someone who has ALWAYS wanted to be a stay at home mommy. So I am struggling with this. Struggling to find this balance between work and play. Struggling to decide which is work and which is play. I know what the answer should be. I know what I'd like it to be. But it's backwards too.

So I am struggling. Really really struggling to put little man and big man first. Where they should be.

And right now, little man is way past due for a nap. So I should go. I mean I want to go. To lay in bed with him, and try as I might to not sneak out once he's fast asleep.

A day in the life of an overzealous mom.

Remember the lengths I went through to get him into school last year? Remember how I was THE ONLY ONE who went through those lengths? Well, I do. Guess what day today was? It was registration day at school today. But I was ahead of the game. There was no need for me to stay the night. Existing students have 1st priority.

I was also torn about my choices. There was the 3 day and the 5 day classes. Cole is in 5 day right now. But I love having Cole home. And besides, he's a late sleeper so school only makes me have to wake up ealrier. Otherwise we'd sleep in till 9 or 10 am. Also, I love having Cole around and I have serious anxiety about him going off to real school so I think I should keep him home while I can.....ugh! Decisions! Decisions!

I drove Cole to school this morning. We arrived 30 minutes late, (at 10) as usual because we slept in. There was a line to register. THERE WAS A LINE! I was in official panic mode. I SHOULD'VE SPENT THE NIGHT!

Ok, I lie. I wasn't quite that worried. Until I was walking back to my car, past the line, and a parent in Cole's class says to another parent next in line, "I was #9, you should be ok!"

Ok!,... she's next! What does that mean? Are there only 10 spots? What's going on? So I get in line and I'm still not even sure for which class. But scarcity creates demand and I want THAT class,...I think.

So I get in line and I get the scoop: there are 15 spots and I would be ok. It is for the coveted 5 day with Ms. Rosie and Ms. Jeanie who I have heard a lot about. I decide to scope out the classrooms and the teachers. I get out of line to peek in. Immediately I see who Ms. Rosie is and I LOVE her! I see her in the hallway all the time and she smiles and she is so loving! I peek into the 3 day class and I am sure, ABSOLUTELY POSITIVE that I want Cole with Ms. Rosie. 5 days a week.

So we get in, I register him. But neither A nor N have registered. You know, A is his love, and N is his best bud. So I call the mothers of A and N. Frantically. Get a hold of A's mom, A gets in. Finally get a hold of N's mom, she is 1st on the waiting list for that class. So we're torn because we want N too!!!!!

The day the world stood still.

I heard the birds chirping yesterday as I was driving around town. I was in the midst of the hustle and bustle of trying to clean the house and do last minute errands for the dinner we had in honor of Cole's 3rd birthday. Normally, I don't feel any peace waiting til the last minute to do anything. But that day, I could hear the birds chirping and I smelled the flowers. It was Cole's birthday yesterday. And I would've blogged about it. I desperately wanted to blog, in his honor. But I was smelling the roses and playing with my little birthday boy. It was seriously the weirdest thing. It started the day before his birthday. I was driving home from lunch and I saw the clock. It read 12:35 and I thought back to where I was 3 years ago at 12:35 pm. So I texted Will:

Right now, 3 years ago today we were being told that our baby boy was debuting early.

Cole's due date was February 24th, 2007. When we went in on the 7th for the weekly OBGYN appt. we were told that my amniotic fluid was very low and that we needed to go to the hospital. It was nothing like we had expected. We went home and packed our bags and drove to the hospital. No rushing. No speeding past lights. No pain.

He was born at 5:35 am on February 8th, 2007. I heard the birds chirping that day too. I remember looking out the window at the car speeding down the expressway wondering how on earth they were going so fast. It was as if the world had stood still. It was me and Will and Cole in that room and we saw nothing else and we heard nothing else. Such a peace. So hard to describe. It was so hard to believe that there was life outside those 4 walls.

So I felt that again on his birthday. All day Will and I kept looking at the clock, letting our thoughts wander back to that day, in that hospital room, and wonder what we were doing at that moment in time.

I wished I blogged then. I would love to have an account of all those moments. The exact moment I got my epidural, the first push, the final push, the first black diaper, the fainting, the first suckle,....

So I guess this account will have to do. But I thought what a fun tradition it would be for Cole on his birthday to play this game with us when he's a little older. We could recount his birth to him (including Mimi's contribution) throughout the day.I should mention that Mom was there throughout the whole birth as well. Maybe she heard the birds chirping too. I was looking through my photos and I found this one. It was as if right away, Cole knew his Nana was a kindred spirit. I think Cole heard the birds too:)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEET BOY!!!!!!

It's complicated (for a Momma)

My little man is in love. He is in love with a little red-head from school. But it's quite complicated, this pre-school love. Because you see, Cole loves A. Cole has a best buddy at school N, who also loves A. But A does not love Cole. A loves N:(

Cole I believe could not care less that A and N were holding hands at school all day. Or that N and A were crying for each other after school. Pre-school love, isn't really all that complicated. Not for them, ya know, the pre-schoolers. My heart is broken that little man didn't get the girl. But Cole, in all his innocence, doesn't see it that way. There's no jealousy. It's just all pure love. It can shared. Cars however cannot be shared. Not at this tender age. But then again, adults can share their cars, but certainly not their loves.

Starring in the below movie are Cole, N and A.
(Having problems removing sound from video-names are revealed and we can't have any of that!)

Most Common First Letter for Last Names

I realize this is pretty uninteresting information for most of my blog readers. But I am placing it within my blog for my own future reference and also for the reference of the world wide web.

I found the most common Last Names quite easily at About.com BUT Smith being the most popular last name does not necessarily mean that S is the most popular letter. For example -- Johnson and Jones are both in the top 5 popular names totaling about 1.2 million more then Smith (2.7m vs 3.9 (2.2 and 1.7m)).So what this all means is that I had to do some extra work-and count for myself.

These are my results:
#1: W - 5.854 million
#2: J - 5.347 million
#3: M - 4.854 million
#4: S - 4.53 million
#5: B - 4.131 million
#6: R - 3.774 million
#7: H - 3.397 million
#8: T - 3.17 million
#9: C - 3.066 million
#10: P - 2.573 million
#11: G - 2.422 million
#12: A - 2.118 million
#13: L - 1.996 million
#14: D - 1.553 million
#15: K - 804,000
#16: E - 765,000
#17: Y - 531,000
#18: F - 503,000
#19: N - 446,000

Now, please keep in mind that you may want to double check my math. My source is About.com and I don't know how accurate it is but for my own purposes, it was accurate enough.

Drafts Folder Sucks!!!!!!

******Before you read this post, make sure you read the last post. This is the horrifying part 2.

I just finished that post on how great the drafts folder was because I found an email I never sent out about Cole crawling and it took me back in time. I closed it by saying I would return to the drafts folder to see what other goodies I could find. Well I did. And I shouldn't have.

I found this in my drafts:

Subject: Birth Announcement - {Insert competing company name here} 

Greetings All,

I just ordered Thomas Cole's birth announcements and I wanted to tell everyone I knew about this cute website. They do personalized photo birth announcements, thank you cards, invitations, christening, holiday cards, etc. You get to design your own cards, you can order from their current designs or you can mix and match designs. You pick your photos and they can adjust them to b&w or crop them. Excellent customer service, they responded to inquiries and changes promptly and they were very courteous. The best thing about them is that you can design and order the cards or you can have the "design only" option for $35 and they will send you the high resolution card so you can print yourself, have it done locally, or email out. Will and I higly recommend them for all your personalized invitation needs. If you're too busy to peruse their website, take a peek at our announcement (since we're dying to show it off) and you'll understand what I mean by cute. Also, their website is:

www.competingcompany.com

Take care and Enjoy!!!

Does anyone see a problem with this? Like a huge major problem!!!!! Um, does that company that made Cole's birth announcement sound a whole lot like my favorite company in the whole wide world? That's right! It does. It sounds like my company. I accidentally sent a draft email that was intended for the recycle bin to EVERYONE. IN. MY. ADDRESS. BOOK!!!!!

Basically, I just sent all of my contacts (from like 3 years ago) an email telling them to go buy from them because they are awesome!!!!! HELLO???? Silver Lining: I have made many many new friends that were not on my old emails contact list so Yay,...I guess.....

So I had to step it in high gear (did I phrase that right?) and send this email out:

Subject: The last email was a mistake!!!!!!

I was looking through my drafts folder and sent that email out in error. Absolute horrid error! As you may or may not know, I am designing cards now! I was supposed to hit delete and I hit send. OH THE HORROR!!!

But I cannot lie, they were fantastic when I had that need but I wasn't intending on sending my business away!!!! OMG I cannot believe I just did that!!!!! I will now go take a cold shower because I am sweating!!!! Who jacked up the heater??? Hyperventilating! Gonna. Get. A Brown. Bag. To. Breathe. In.

And wouldn't you know it! I had to send this out to every single person in my address book!!! I really am gonna be sick.

*Barf*

In the meantime, browse my site. I can design anything!

www.ChicFarm.com

Vannessa Eggleston

Ok. The damage has been done. I am gonna go get drunk. At least then I can blame the alcohol and not nostalgia.

*Sigh*

*Barf {still}*

Drafts Folder

I was looking through my drafts folder and in there I found this written (or drafted) September 26, 2007 :

Cole is now crawling and pulling himself up to a stand, we are absolutely delighted! Just kidding - it's horrifying! He has some bruises and has gotten in a fight or two with the dogs. He now can crawl up to their food bowl and their cage and well-they don't like that very much. Anyone want 2 yappy little chihuahuas?

So that's when Cole started crawling! I should have been blogging all along. I never recorded these things! Thank goodness for never-sent emails! Wonder what other little goodies I might find in my long-lost emails! Gonna go have a look-see...

For me!

January 2, what day was that? I don't even remember. I don't even care. I was sitting there and Cole comes up to me with his hands together in front of his face, in prayer:

"I want you a baby."

What? He was praying to God for me. I just cannot tell you how in love I am with this little man. This little man who has a heart of gold. He didn't pray for cars, or toys, or a brother or sister for him. He prayed for me. For me!

Sometimes Mommy has to lie to get a break

Alright, so I did it. I lied. Not just about a little something. But about a big something. A big something to one particular almost 3 year old.

Cole has been obsessed with birthdays. His birthday lately. So we just had one very special birthday come and go; the birth of Jesus. And I promised him as I was trying to console a very sad forgotten little boy that his birthday would come after Jesus' birthday passed. His birthday is February the 8th. These days, Cole has been reminding us that Christmas and Jesus' birthday have passed. Like if to say, "let's get my birthday on".

But in all my mommy-ness, I completely forgot that before Cole's birthday, and after Jesus' birthday, are my birthday and my mom's birthday. I thought that maybe it would not be such a big deal to kinda spring it on him on the day and not have gifts but just do a cake. Or not say or do anything at all. But....right. That's not gonna happen. I like cake and gifts and attention so on to Plan C.

Well, you see, thing is, there was no Plan C. We went over to Mimi's this afternoon for lunch and she announces to Will and I that she has some late Christmas gifts for Cole. I see opportunity. I take it.

I announce, "Happy Birthday Cole!" "You have birthday presents." Everyone plays along. He opens his gifts and throughout the day I have casually mentioned that now his birthday has passed. I don't think he bought it. And I don't even feel terrible about it. I am justifying it in my head. He's 2. He doesn't understand time. Next year he will, or might, or not. But I think I bought (rather Mimi did) ourselves some time. But right now, I probably should go back into his room and remind him that he got presents, his birthday has come and gone. So that in a few short days, mom and I can enjoy our own special day.